Young, Liberated, and FREE…. We’ve all been there as teens or even young adults. Sometimes we mislead ourselves due to the belief that we know all there is to know about SEX! Like committing ourselves, consent, and pleasure or even how our sexual bodies operate. Sometimes this prolonged period of ignorance tends to seep into every other aspect of our lives. This inexperience leads to self-judgment, but the only way to become liberated is to understand that who you were trying to be through those sexual relations and who you have hopes of becoming are not the same people. The best way to move on from your sexual past is to forgive yourself for the pressures you placed upon yourself and to embrace the knowledge you gain as your lotus continues to blossom. I’ve found that the best way for me to heal from my sexual past was to write letters to my younger self expressing how my promiscuity and curiosity lead to how I often feel about myself today.
As young girls, we are infatuated with sensuality because most of the time the media praises sexual beings and promotes this ideology as the equivalent of womanhood. Our younger selves tried to be “grown” but at the core of who we really were was a sweet and innocent girl that knew nothing of the dangers she was stepping into. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be that having sex with “HIM” wasn’t the answer to finding myself. We put it off a lot, but having intercourse IS A BIG DEAL, and it isn’t until we’ve become a woman that we understand the impact that sex has on our spirit.
What we as young women fail to realize is that sex is tridimensional; involving spirit, soul, and body. No matter how many times we try to convince ourselves that it was just a “one night stand” or a “quickie” sex is oftentimes not a form of bonding. Have you ever noticed how casually trying to have sex with someone doesn’t really work out for most people? This is due to a part of our brains called the ‘limbic system’ (look it up, I couldn’t make this up even if I tried!). The chemical reaction that takes place during this intimate time enhances the emotional bond between two partners regardless of the intent.
One person, often us females unconsciously form a bond, and that’s why we get all in our feelings when the casual affair comes to an end. Now I know this is a touchy subject but soul ties do exist. When you chose to intimately enjoy the presence of your partner(s), you are inviting “all” of them to sit at a table with you (the good, the bad, and the ugly).
Fun fact: The female limbic system is a lot larger than the male’s. HELLO ladies!! And we wonder why we are continuously mistaking “casual intercourse” with having genuine feelings for someone. Imagine gluing two pieces of papers together today and then carefully ripping them apart tomorrow. Although you may be able to retrieve a piece of the other paper, the majority of the paper will still be glued to the other. Now picture repeating these steps for every partner you’ve ever had sex with. SHEESH, what a mess!
The healing process is one that is extensive and can only be obtained through understanding that you are valuable and that everyone doesn’t deserve that sacred time with you. Sexual encounters are not meant to be “slut shamed,” regardless of whether you are male or female because your business is just that YOUR business. But, remember to choose wisely because you are opening yourself up to more than what the physical eye can see.