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Why Choosing Yourself over a Relationship Will Never be a Selfish Decision


My friend hadn’t look this good in over a year! Curls were poppin’, melanin glowin’, eyes sparklin’, and she had a ‘strut’ that needed no runway! Jasmine had ended her merry-go-round relationship with her partner of two years and moved out of the apartment that they once shared.

To be honest I thought this time would be just like any other time; they would fight like cats and dogs! Nevertheless, the disagreement lasted no longer than a week. This time it was evident that something was different. Time continues to pass and I begin to realize that my dear friend was so tired of being tired that she didn’t even discuss how tired she was anymore. She just acted on it! She hadn’t seen nor spoken to Jerry in almost 4 months, and I was so happy for her because she looked free. But, I was also curious. What was so different this time?

“How’d you, do it? I see you’re really serious this time?” I asked.

“I had a come to Jesus meeting with my Mama and realized I had to choose.”

“Between Mama Jones and your ex?” I said. “Dang girl, Mama must have stuck her foot in that sweet potato pie!”

“No crazy, between Jerry and me. And guess what,” she said. “I finally chose me! Imagine if I would have understood my worth a long time ago.” The power in the simplicity of her statement was enough to have anyone that heard it evaluating their own personal situation. Without knowing it, she sowed a seed in my life that I have continued to nourish. You must always choose you.

As youth, most of us were taught to put others before ourselves because this was the generous thing to do. But does choosing yourself make you any less of a person than someone who decides not to?

“Choosing you” means acknowledging your personal desires, setting goals and then reaching them. It means making yourself a priority and making decisions that will contribute to your health and well-being. Choosing yourself does not mean staying in a relationship because its familiar and allowing someone else to be a leech and suck the life out of you.

So no, you’re not selfish! You are being true to YOU. A happy life, leads to a healthy one!